The View from 58-inches High

Tomorrow marks 7-weeks since my surgery. My follow-up appointment is in 2-weeks. I have tried my best to stay positive about the outcome but I also know that much of it is a desperate show. I have to assume that things are going to be ok because I can’t cope if they’re not. Not having any control over your body is an emotional roller coaster. For every conversation I’ve had or article that I’ve read that gives me confidence that I’ll be back on the bike in a few months, there is an opposing conversation or article that makes me wonder if I’ll ever return to normality.

Most of my interactions lately have been very positive. Like Stephen sharing his story of surgery; Melissa sharing her stories of life after her ankle break and how similar her experience was to her friends, and Scott with his two ACL reconstructions. All of these interactions left me feeling like patience was al that stood between me and normalcy. The low point came yesterday at the Austin Flyers Picnic. It was put on by our sponsors, Texas Ortho, and I knew that some of the staff would be present. When I arrived, I was immediately greeted by one of the staff who asked me what happened. When he heard the prognosis, his face turned grim. “it’s a very difficult injury to recover from. It takes a very long time”. The graveness of his voice was what struck me. Surgeons have seen everything, right? How is it that my injury, one that is supposedly extremely common, would cause this reaction. When I tried to ask him why it was so difficult to recover, was it pain, re-injury, stiffness, soft-tissue damage, his response was “Well, it’s just… healing”. It stayed with me the whole day, I was devastated.

I learned two things; the first is that if somebody sounds like they don’t know what they’re talking about, ignore them. It turns out this guy is not a doctor at all. I assumed he was because I’m used to the small offices that my mother –in-law works in where everybody except the nurses are doctors. I never should have assumed he would know anything about my injury. That’s what desperation does.

Finally, I gave up wearing my brace today. After two parties and hours of trying to design a Christmas card, my back was horribly stiff this morning. I have actually been moving it as much as I can with a broken leg. There have been a few positions that have caused popping and even a brief twang of what I would consider real back pain. I don’t know how much I should be concerned because it seems like the brace is doing far more damage than good at this point and I get my X-rays in 3 days now anyway. Still, I’m being good and logging everything so I can tell if it gets better or worse. The cycling position does not seem to cause any pain but it looks like I’ll be able to spend some time spinning, to be sure, before I have to make decisions about a new bike.