The View from 58-inches High

Two days ago, this would have been a post about how horrible my doctor is and how he isn’t really evaluating my individual progress. I have a hard time writing that post now because I have not been a good patient and may have totally messed my knee up.

The story starts on Thursday when I first started calling the doctor’s office to find out about the results of my back X-rays. I was so confident based on how I felt and based on the conversation we had at my first follow-up that I actually stopped wearing the brace. I was shocked when the nurse called to give me instructions that the X-rays look good but that I’m still to wear the brace for 4-weeks more then have the X-rays taken again without my brace. This is the part that kills me because her instructions were very clear that I was only to remove the brace for the brief period when they take the X-rays but the doctor told me I didn’t have to wear the brace for short periods like when I wake up at night to use the bathroom. The icing on the cake is that I wasn’t wearing the brace in the last set of X-rays because I assumed that if I can walk to the bathroom, I can stand for 5-minutes without the brace on. I had a minor tantrum when I heard what she had to say. After I calmed down, I called her back and told her I wanted an appointment with the doctor. It’s amazing how guilty you feel, like you’re going to get into trouble for doing something wrong. I should have been up front right away but it was obvious that she had no idea what he had told me before and it would have turned into he-said, she-said.

So after that drama, I end up having to wear my brace at the paella festival. The festival was so much fun, but since I couldn’t get my own food, I ended up not getting much food at all. I should have had people get two plates to make sure that I got a whole plate of food but it just didn’t happen. So even though I didn’t drink a whole lot, I ended up quite tipsy. After it got dark, I made the mistake of trying to “run” after Sheri and tripped on a blanket. I tried to save it for a few seconds and ended up going down on my ass. Just before I went down I instinctively tried to use my left leg for balance. I have no idea how hard I put my leg down but I know it wasn’t good. It didn’t hurt except for that pins-and-needles feeling from not having stepped on your foot in a while. I still felt horrible and totally know that it may mean that the bone has shifted slightly. The worst part is that I fell again trying to get out of the truck into Tammy’s house. I got out too close to the curb where there was a steep incline and had to use my left leg to keep from face-planting forward. I was a complete disaster and it felt like I had no regard for my health. I am hoping for the best but I know that I put some weight on my leg before the 10-weeks was up and that could have a very bad outcome.

I couldn’t sleep last night with all of this swirling around in my head. I felt stupid and juvenile but mostly selfish and overconfident. Stephen ended up having to carry me to my car because I just couldn’t see well enough to place my crutches. It’s completely embarrassing. There are days I just want to crawl under a rock, today is one of those.