The Words to Say
There are so many things I would love to write about here but I only seem to find the introspection when I’m not at my computer. By the time I sit down to type, I’m surrounded by distraction and my posts never quite come together. You can imagine my surprise then when my email to Brant turned into a blog post. The purpose of the email was to explain that I had swapped my workout with tomorrows because I wasn’t going to ride my bike today and wanted to do the intervals tomorrow. Instead, I ended up writing the following, which I edited before sending.
Hey, I signed up for pedal hard tomorrow. I’m swapping today’s workout with tomorrow’s because I’m not doing a workout today. I feel fine but I need a break mentally that sitting on a trainer won’t give me. The thought of watching the seconds tick by on my computer while waiting for my ass to go numb is nauseating to me right now. I would love to ride outside but my day passed me by in less than a minute and now it’s cloudy, cold, and miserable. I know that riding in this weather will transform my ride from the distraction I need to just another checkbox. My bike is usually where I go decompress but today just isn’t going to work and I’m not willing to force it.
Just like that, I had more words than I’ve had in months. I hit a wall today. I’ve had a severe pain in my chest for over a week now. I thought I strained something coughing but I swear, if anything it’s gotten worse since my cough went away. I’m pretty sure that Callie has the pee-problem that MacKenzie did. Some days she just pee’s. She’ll do it multiple times a night, wherever she’s sitting, like she has no control over it at all. And this weekend everything went from bad to worse. The latest wafer didn’t yield so I can’t deliver parts to the team, and the qual failure I swore wasn’t a bid deal turned out to be a real failure. On top of all my problems, Jim confirmed that the first failure was actually a big, huge, showstopper. The worst thing though, the thing that completely drained me of my will to do the one thing I love, is that in spite of all of this information my boss said we were still going to launch. These are the days I become Dilbert and face my very own pointer-haired-manager.
The one upside to my day was the email I got from JP an hour ago that powers that be had pulled their heads out of their asses and canceled the launch. Hallelujah and Amen. I have seen the light!