We’re not friends
Making friends was always difficult for me when I was younger. Like there was some secret handshake I didn’t get. I would always hang out just on the periphery of real friendship. Sometimes, I would think there was a moment of acceptance that brought me to “friend” status only to find myself quickly, and often publicly, corrected. Probably similar to going in for the kiss a little to early on a date.
With the growth of social media over the past years and being one of the few women in engineering, I haven’t really had to worry about these catty, social circumstances. I’ve gotten used to being accepted pretty easily. If anything, I have been the rejector since I have pretty strict rules about “friending” only people I have meaningful, non-work conversations with on a regular basis.
So when I had a “friend” requested accepted on what was obviously restricted permissions after, what I thought were, a few meaningful non-work interactions I was dejected. Logically, it’s tough for me to complain since I know I’ve done this to tons of folks who have not met my “friend” criteria. It’s hard for me to believe that I don’t meet this persons criteria so, in my mind, they think I’m creepy or insane.
I find myself at a loss for what to do next. Socially inept but wanting to badly to be accepted. It’s so “middle-school” and yet I cannot bring myself to want it any less.