The View from 58-inches High

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my connections with others. I suppose I mean friendships, though that word doesn’t really seem right. I don’t think I’ve ever had “friendships” in the traditional sense. I’m not willing to make the effort to conform my life to somebody else’s. I have acquaintances. I do things with people who appreciate the same things I do. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t spend time with them. That sounds so cold to say but it’s how I’ve been my whole life. I am more than willing to let people disappear from my life if they don’t fit.

It’s strange the way it happens. I’ll just stop calling people that seemed so close to me. One day I just can’t think of anything to talk about. Or worse, I start to find everything they say uninteresting, trite, or meaningless. There seems to be no pattern that could possibly predict the outcome. It’s as if I wake up one morning and see then differently. From that day on, it’s never the same.

Even with my parents there was a day that all I could see was my how insecure, gullible, and lonely my mom was or how feeble and over-compensating my dad was. It has to be this way I’m sure; part of the process to wean us from our childhoods. I never expected it would continue though out adult lives.

I also think it’s too easy for friends to take advantage of the relationship. Friends can be bullies, manipulators, and even downright abusive at times. I used to accept it because I didn’t want to fight, or anger people. I didn’t want to disappoint my “friend”. I’m over that. I’ve realized that if you let them, they will slip away without every trying to save the relationship. So many times it’s just better that way.

This blog is a delicate balance of a documentary of the time and the trite day-to-day of a thirty-something. Lately I’ve only wanted to write about the trite nothings so this blog has been idle. I’ve started entries over the last couple days but only gotten a few lines in. Everything seems to need so much background then, three paragraphs in, I realize how trite the entry has become.

Today we interviewed a girl for a position at my company. Actually, we interviewed her for 3 positions. This is how we handle new-grad hiring now. We throw them at a few groups and see if they stick to any. I was a stand in for my manager who’d out and had very little notice that I was going to interview at all. I rarely ask technical questions because I feel like I’m a great judge of character and I leave it to others to gauge the capability of the person. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me uncomfortable to make other people uncomfortable. I’m an easy interview and I know it. Still, she was very intelligent, well spoken, and eager. I thought she would make a good new grad hirer but I wasn’t sure she would really be interested in my job. When we all got together to talk afterwards, the other groups did not like her. None of them recommended her for hirer, only me. My first reaction to that was feeling stupid, like I got duped or something. Then I got frustrated that I let others affect my opinion so much.

The req was for a new grad and most of the jobs at the company require a masters from a new grad. Some of the complaints were that she was too far removed from her base level engineering classes. She seemed like more of a scientist than an engineer, and that she didn’t have any practical experience. I feel like the expectations of these groups was way off base. It takes a different mind to do product and I think she was a good fit, I just don’t know if she would enjoy it and stay long term.

Friday I went in to have a small lump on my food looked at. I’ve had it for almost 5-years and haven’t done anything about it. I went into this appointment expecting to have it checked out and schedule surgery for, hmm, December maybe. Something right before Christmas will work for me. I was not prepared for the surgeon to schedule me for surgery 4-days later. Apparently they worry about cancer with these kinds of things and they take that pretty seriously. I was not prepared at all to be out of commission for any length of time so I schedule the surgery with local only. This is a big deal! I am terrified of needles and the thought of things cutting my skin.

Now I can take pain and I’m a pretty brave person but I was making sounds like a wounded animal before they even stuck the first needle in. The next 25 minutes were a mix of me making faces like I smelled some wicked back fart and letting out the occasional whimper. They kept telling me “It won’t hurt but you’ll feel pressure”. I had no idea what this meant. What they should say is “it won’t hurt but you’ll know exactly what we’re doing”. You can feel the skin pull and tug with everything they do and it’s essentially a play by play. I could tell when the first incision was made, when the cyst was cut out, and when the sutures were being put in.

Then I got bandaged. This is where it gets odd. I got bandaged like I lost a foot. I must have 15-feet of gauze on my foot, looped in a crazy 8-pattern 10 times then covered in another 5-feet of that sticky bandage stuff I use on my dogs. Finally, I got a special shoe that prevents my foot from bending. After all that, he tells me I have 3-whole stitches… THREE!!! What would they do if I had needed 20-stitches? I’d probably be bedridden.

The sad thing is I’m sure that my insurance paid somewhere around $350 for gauze, and ace bandage, and a plastic shoe. Ten-years ago, they would have slapped a band-aid on 3-stitches and sent me on my way. The best, though, is that I have to wear this overkill for 10-days. Seriously people?