Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015
Well here I am again, on the last day of my 2-week break wondering where it all went and trying to quell that rising panic that this is my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I’m so grateful that I enjoy what I do and the people work with. But still, how does two weeks without 50-hours a week of scheduled time get away from me? Well traveling is one way. Unfortunately one week of that time is spent away from my house and surrounded by others. This is not time that I could spend knocking out those projects I always well myself will get done at Christmas.
Second, sleeping. I don’t know how I find myself sleeping 10-hours a day and still feeling like crap. I know I would do better to just get out of bed and claim those two extra hours but I just can’t make myself do it like I can when I have work bearing down on my. It’s almost like you can have too much time. The urgency isn’t there until the very last day when the loss of my own time is inevitable.
Third, New Years. I know this sounds odd but think about it. We typically leave for the New Years party around 6:00PM. We’re there until midnight or longer (2AM this year!). Then I need to sleep for at least 8-hours (see above). While I only stayed in bed until 9:00 this year, I wasn’t actually functional for the whole day.
Finally there’s the fact that we live in the middle of nowhere so everything, EVERYTHING takes longer. For instance, if we want to get lunch, that’s a just over an hour ordeal minimum for something simple like tacos or hamburgers. It’s 20-min to get there, 30-min to order and eat, then 20-min home. This is time that is completely wasted in my opinion. This is true on the weekends as well. I’ve really stopped thinking in terms of New Years resolutions but this would be one of them. I want to be smarter with my time when I’m home. Some of this is driven by Brian and I’m just going to have to deal with that. The fact is that lunches are rarely quality time so I don’t know why I feel like I have to go with him.
Anyway, Happy new year! I make no promises about actually posting here anymore than I did last year. It’s a great outlet but I’m still uncomfortable with my writing and it often feels daunting to think about all the grammar and spell-checking I’d need to do for each post. Still, I’ll try to do better.
Taking one for the team
After a rotten weekend of racing I was really excited to make up for it with the Wimberley Memorial Day rodeo. We had box seats for two days. The first day was Sunday. I had to race back from Dallas to get back in time for dinner before the rodeo. Todd, Benjamin, Sree, Cuvee, and Sam joined us. As we were leaving it started to rain hard but the weather held and the rodeo was great.
The real highlight was the next night though. Kate, Holly, Andrew, the kids, and Jen joined us. None of them had ever been to a rodeo like this one. We bought funnel cake and fresh made potato chips. The potato chips were made with a drill that turned the potato into a razor blade. You can’t make this up.
I was just waiting for the adult calf scramble; which I talked Kate into doing it with me. It really only took telling her it was a competitive event to get her to join. We were nuts trying to get one of the 6-ribbons. We were yelling commands at each other making sure we had all avenues cornered. It was the very last flag but Kate cornered it and sent it right my way. As we were walking back up, somebody congratulated me on getting the ribbon. Without missing a beat, Kate replies “Thanksâ€. Then she’s all “Ohh, I kind of took one for the team there!â€.
Maple and Waylon decided they had to do the children’s calf scramble after watching us. Maple ended up having to pee just before and missed the whole thing. When I got back down to Holly, all the other kids were coming back out; but not Waylon. When he finally came out and we got back to the seats everybody was laughing. It appears Waylon was so intent on getting a ribbon that he found himself one.
It was really nice to do something that wasn’t associated with cycling. We laughed so hard we cried and I can’t wait for next year.
The fast, the slow, and the dirty; Memorial Day weekend (Part 1)
Memorial Day weekend marks the 2-week point to Tulsa and, for me, was a big opportunity to test my legs in an aggressive 2-day race setting. The original plan was to race Bike the Bricks followed by the Age-Based crit championship. With only 5-days away, not many people were signed up for the age-based crit though so I made a last minute change to race the driveway as well. I actually didn’t really care if I raced the Age-based but since I wasn’t going to drive home last Friday it seemed reasonable to do the race anyway. Plus it was a back up for if something went bad at BtB; where crashes are common.
I wasn’t expecting great results because it was a really hard course and I had to work registration for 3-hours prior to my race. I warmed up feeling ok but not great. My goal was to try to get a prime or two and stay on for the finish. The race was fast! They called the first men’s prime quickly. Kirsten and I moved to the front in anticipation for the women’s prime that would likely follow. Instead, they called a back-2-back men’s prime (doh!). We went around again (very quickly) then moved to the front again for what would surely be our prime. Can you smell these matches burning? Well for the first time I ever remember it was back-2-back-2-back primes for the men. By the time our prime, 2-deep, came around we were exhausted. My lane got closed but I saw Kirsten got up the side and get the 2nd of the 2-deep. After that, she was gone. I was nowhere near the second prime. At some point I had to pull Kim back up to the pack as it started to shatter. Turns out it would come back together anyway but with her jersey on the line we couldn’t risk it. When the finish came it was strung out and shattered. I was off the back riding with the shrapnel when I see Suzy come by me. I grabbed her wheel as we flew past Amber and then Chelsea. I tried to sprint past Suzy but my lane closed before I could. She took 2nd and I took 3rd. I good reminder to never give up.
Friday’s BtB race was to start at 7:50; same time as the driveway so I figured my prep would be similar. I took a half day because there was so much to do but didn’t go in until 10:00. I have a really hard time sleeping after the driveway and with the stress of getting ready for BtB, I didn’t get to sleep until 1:30AM; well past my bedtime. The plan was to leave work by 1:30PM after putting in a few hours at work. The drive is 3.5 hours with no traffic. I would be hitting D-town at rush hour on the Friday before Memorial day so I allotted an extra 1.5 hours. The drive ended up taking me almost 6-hours (including rest-stops). I arrived frazzled, had no idea where to park, where reg was, where the bathroom was. I parked far away rather than get stuck down a closed road, rode to registration, back to my car. Got on the trainer for a few min, went to use the restroom, and almost missed my race start as I could not find the staging area. I tried to stay calm and get my HR down and think clearly. The first lap was a $100 prime so was started off fast. I got on McRea’s wheel thinking she would pull me where I needed to be. As we came around the one inside corner a girl in front of me went down, then 2-more. I slammed on my breaks and managed to keep it upright. I did not, however, put a foot down so I ended up chasing. McRea put a foot down. I chased with a few unorganized girls for a lap and a half before dropping off of them. I did two and a half more laps on my own before getting pulled; about 10-min into the race.  There really aren’t any words for how pissed I was.
The age-based race was now my chance to get my second day of hard racing in. We got to James brothers house late and hung out talking for a little bit. This is when I found out I would be sleeping on a cot. Not a huge deal I thought, it was a really nice cot and it was really nice of them to put me up. 30-min after everybody had gone to bed though; I realized I was in trouble. All I had was a sleeping bag so my temperature options were cold or hot. I really just needed a blanket. I tossed and turned; waking up sweaty or shivering and swapping my sleeping bag accordingly. We got to the race in plenty of time but I had no water, no ice, no real preparation at all because I had followed James and Rhe there and didn’t get to stop at a gas station. The race was in an office park so it was all pavement, sun, and wind; ohh the wind! Something like 15mph sustained with gusts. The race was strung out from the start. I kept telling myself I needed to move up so 2-laps in I used one of the long straight-aways to move up, right into a head-wind which turned quickly into a cross wind. Much faster than I moved up I went backwards.  I rode with Rhe and a cat4 for a few laps until my back seized up (most likely the effect of dehydration, long drives, and cot sleeping). I could hardly pedal anymore and, just before we got pulled at 32-min, I dropped to last place.
It was so difficult to not feel completely defeated. The worst is that I then stuck my big foot in my mouth and really upset Rhe. It was an emotional weekend that forced much introspection with Tulsa coming up. I suppose only time will tell how this will go.
Houston Grand Fail
Kate and I drove to Houston for the Houston Grand Crit today. It wasn’t originally on my schedule but most of the team was doing it and Brant thought it would be good before Tulsa. Its 2.5 hours (min) to Houston so this was going to be an all day thing. I got myself packed up in the AM, made a sandwich, and headed out the door. Kate and I did an ok of getting on the road on time but, looking back, I don’t think we allowed enough time for pinning, changing, and warm-up. Whatever, I wasn’t taking this very seriously anyway.
Start line
There was nowhere to warm up so Kate recommended we head away from the race where there might be some roads with light traffic. We ended playing red-light/green-light for LT intervals. The worst was that we quickly realized we were a little turned around and only had 10-min before we needed to line up! We stopped at a bar and got directions from some very nice Houstonites and made it back just in time and with very little in the way of warm-up.
We lined up with a great contingent of ladies. Lauren S., Mandy H. (+ 4 teammates),  and Sammi. There was a tough crosswind for most of the course and a tricky U-turn that was all about positioning. I started out feeling the lack of warm-up. I knew I just had to be smart for 2-laps and I’d be good and warmed up. On the second lap, I took the U-turn poorly and had to sprint HARD to get back on but after that I started to feel better and moved up. I was never right at the front but I was mentally preparing for trying to go for primes and making sure I was in a good position. All of a sudden my gears felt wrong. I tried shifting a few more times but my gear didn’t seem to get any easier. I looked back and saw my chain near the bottom of my cassette. At this point, I put my hand up and hoped I would qualify for a free lap after a quick tweak. I held my cable up and road to the mechanic who informed me my shifter paddle was snapped and my race was done.
After the race, my attitude quickly transitioned to “fuck itâ€. Kate and I rode to the Double Tree to meet up with Kim who had to check out of her room. We joked about how Kim was such a scatter-brain after racing and fucked up it was that my first move after DNF’ing was to call my LBS and demand the manager.
Hey, is Robbie there?
…
Yeah, my bike’s broken.
…
Trust me, just get me Robbie!
…
Robbie, I need this fixed now!
We finally headed back just in time to miss all the free food and the end of the P/1/2 race #fail. We got to the car and found ourselves just as scatter-brained as Kim. Kate couldn’t find her keys. I didn’t even put my bike on the rack. It took us 30-min to get our shit together to roll out of there.
As I was finally making the drive back to my place from Kate’s 12-hours after leaving my house, I thought about how unique my life is. That these moments are so difficult to share with others and that I hoped that these memories would stay with me.
Still Saying Goodbye, two years later
Dear Fozzy,
I knew today would be sad. It’s been two years since we said goodbye. I still think of you more often than I want to admit. You were the original bear and every time I use “bear†to call another dog I think of how it all started with you. I still have your photos at work and on my phone; around the house and in my heart. You were the best dog.
Still I find myself telling people what a wonderful dog you were and to us it was true; you were the best. You were not perfect though. I remember your dog bite incident. How you had to spend two weeks in rabies quarantine even though you’d had your shots and we had all the records. I remember rushing home every day to visit you and how desperately you looked at me. I tried not to cry seeing you in that horrible cage. You never cried. You were always so happy to see me. I remember Brian and me fighting all the time because he said you could never be around people again and you loved people so much. He said they would kill you if it happened again and I couldn’t bear the thought of that so soon after MacKenzie died. But you loved people so much and I thought you would be so unhappy. I cried that I couldn’t fix you. In the end you never cared and I never knew how much pain you were really in.
I remember all the vet visits. It pains me still to think of everything you went through but I wasn’t ready to let you go and I don’t think you were ready to let me go. The brown recluse bite you handled like a champ, and enjoyed the attention. The melanoma that should have killed you. Instead, you ate your bandage repeatedly and gave the vet and us great stories to tell about the extent we had to go to for you to not eat your bandage! Finally though, it was the osteosarcoma that took you. Who would have thought you could survive one cancer just to get another one. The strange part is I was always checking your lymph nodes, waiting for the return and I still didn’t catch it early enough. From what they say, there was no early enough.
So two years ago today we said goodbye. We fed you filet mignon for your last supper. You ate it so fast. Like there was no grapefruit sized tumor on your spleen. Nothing could stop you from eating. You never refused food. After dinner, we sat at the end of the driveway together and I took our photo in the setting sun. I’m sure you licked my cheek; you always did.
Driveway Spring Classic – 6th
22 of us lined up in the rain yesterday for a 50-min race. It was 60-something degrees when we started, by the time we were done it was 53 and dropping. Most of us had not brought warm enough clothes and being soaking wet just made it worse. Many of us tossed our glasses because couldn’t see anything. Over 24-hours later I’m still picking dirt out of my ears and eyes. I got 6th overall and 2nd in the 3s race.
The race today was actually listed as three races; W4, W3, W3/4 40+, and WP12. In the P12 we had Jenny, Kim, and Rhe against Kath and Jen Mix. In the W3 we had Nadia and me against three Think Cash girls, Chelsea, Karla, Suzi, and a few others. We lined up in rainy, wet, and chilly conditions. We didn’t have a pre-race meeting so I wasn’t totally sure what the plan was. From go, Jenny takes off. OMG Jenny! I wish we had video of how long it took everybody to realize what happened!! Given our numbers and the conditions, this was perfect! Jen worked really hard to catch but couldn’t get anybody to work. This was sort of interesting because, regardless of bib #, only the first 5 across the line got any cash. Kim did an amazing job of making sure Jen didn’t get anywhere without her and, of course, she wasn’t going to help. I could tell even on our warm up lap that the rain and the course were going to favor the Austin women; especially coming through the chicane into the sprint.
The first half of the race saw attacks from Jen but not much else. The second half the three’s were more active. Between Chelsea, Karla, Suzi, and TC there was a lot to watch. Nadia did a great job of staying on things and making sure we were covered. This is where I feel like the race sort of fell apart. Being my first race with a real team and being so familiar with the Driveway I actually ended up being in the way. My mind was more on the cat 3 race than the overall and this was a mistake. Throughout the race there was talk of “our†race and “your†race but really there was just the race for cash (something I didn’t think about until after). Kim spent energy trying to reign in my energy and keep me from doing something stupid (both for the overall and the cat3 race) and missed Jen’s move on the last lap. It came together but Kim had to work hard for position and couldn’t make up all the ground.
Looking back, we should have thrown the categories out and focused only on nabbing as many of the top spots as possible with our top women. This is all that should have mattered because the prizes for the other races sucked (and subsequently, I have some Core Power to share with you ladies).Â
It was really awesome to see Kim, Rhe, and Nadia work together and I know I have to work to be a better teammate. Kim pointed out a few times my position was not good relative to the team and I realized I’m not used to, or good, at thinking this way yet. Rhe also pointed out that I didn’t have a good sense of where my teammates are and this is critical to being a good teammate. This is definitely something I plan on working on.
In the end, Jenny pulled off a stellar 1st place and Kim came in 4th. I pulled out a 6th overall but feel that should have been a 5th. Kim probably would have had a better finish also if she hadn’t been watching out for me.
Overall, I feel great about the race. Don’t take my criticisms of myself to harshly. I came here to learn and I’m happy for the advice. Great job everybody!!
Â
i can’t get any respect
hmm it could be that you dont use capital letters or punctuation lol.
What does “closest to being valedictorian” mean? I know you don’t think it means you had the highest GPA because that is not even close to true. Also, you are completely lazy and every task is “tedious” in your mind, especially taking care of your own children.
Blessed to have a stay-at-home mom
You hated that our mother didn’t work and told her repeatedly that you were ashamed of her. Really, you were just upset that you couldn’t get away with all the same shit your friends did. Also, you make NO money at MK but I honestly can’t tell if you realize this or not.Â
Why math is important and how others think we can’t subtract the number 9
“I would like to share something with you, something personal that may offend some of you, but i’m going to write it anyway.Â
I love my Mary Kay for many reasons, and those reasons change from day to day, week to week, month to month. This past year a love for my mary kay has emerged that has completely changed my life, more than any other thing, to the point that it makes me cry to think about it. I LOVE what Mary Kay has done to the face of domestic violence. Before this year it has always been an, “oh ya, and we do this too”, but as some of you know, and many of you dont, I am now a survivor. I’m sorry, WHAT!?! No really, anything to make me special.
I left my husband a year ago. I was at a mary kay event where they were promoting the love is program against teen dating violence (which can look more like emotional and mental abuse than the physical that we mostly think of when we hear domestic violence) when i realized that was me. i had become afraid to breath in my house for fear that i would get the silent treatment, or yelled at. so how could i help young girls out of this situation when i was in it myself? So i left. please contact me if you would like to hear my full story. Lets just ignore the fact that I was 2-months prego with another mans baby at the time.
After much soul searching this past year I finally feel that i am the woman i was meant to be. i am confident, i love my life, and i know i am worth it. Mary Kay helped me do this. I am who i am today because of Mary Kay and I will be forever grateful.Â
I have decided to dedicate my career to helping other women. Helping them feel better about themselves and look their best with our products, helping them achieve independence and greatness with the business opportunity, and helping them thrive by educating others on the destructive nature of mental and emotional abuse. Please let me know how I can help you.”
Comment: Sorry, having trouble with the math here, Astrid is how old again?
A whirlwind week of highs and lows
Sometimes a week just kicks your ass all over the place. This was that week for me. Tuesday I finally got my promotion. I was actually more nervous than I expected but the team took it well and the cross-functional teams immediately started integrating me into things by giving me all the actions Brain had failed to attend to. By the end of the week I felt like the new college student with books piled high in their arms.
I went from work straight to a craft night with the Market women. The crafts themselves were not great but it was really fun to hang out with the ladies. We spray painted plastic animal figurines glued to mason jars. For a group of women, we were decidedly un-crafty. Most of us spray painted ourselves at some point, the spray paint bubbled and crackled on our projects, and the way over did it on the glitter. All of my projects had fallen apart by the time I got them home. The best on of all of ours was Kim’s lavender lion’s backside w/ glittered balls. So Kim.
Unfortunately, it meant that I didn’t get dinner and drank more than I should have. I didn’t get to bed until 11:00 and had an early morning the next day. Not that I’m complaining, It just get reminded sometimes how difficult out it is for me to hang out without feeling like ass the next day.
The rest of the week was a blur of extreme time management. I somehow managed to fit in all of my workouts; with legs that were not over Pace Bend. I attended 3x as many meetings as I usually do, picked up my packet for Lago, and saw Brian off to Penang on Thursday.
Saturday, I rolled out to Lago knowing I had nothing in my legs but trying to convince myself that everybody else was feeling the same. I hung in but I could feel my lets scream on every hill and I was fighting hard in the wind. On the third lap, I was in poor position in the wind and I had too many gaps to close when it blew up. I ended up forming with a chase group of about 7 but they were not steady and I dropped them after a lap. Kim picked me up with Kelly B. and the two of them kept me going. We got cut by one lap and I came in DFL (except for the folks who dropped).
Kim and I were feeling pretty shitty and I was already feeling lonely with Brian gone so I agreed to meet Kim for Dinner. I won’t harp on this (even though I should). I drank too much and woke up very embarrassed that I couldn’t do the math correctly on the check. I should not have driven home either. I tested myself, walked a line while touching my nose. I had the coordination, but not the good judgment. At one point I was trying to text when I had no business texting and the car swerved. There was nobody around me and, while I’d love to say that’s why I thought texting was ok, it was completely bone-headed and I threw my phone on the floor so I wouldn’t be tempted again. I woke up feeling like an out of control juvenile and wanting a complete do-over. I completely hated myself.
Finally, today we were met with a freak cold-front that dropped out temperature 40 degrees in 1-hour. I didn’t race because I had a brunch with Jessica, who was in town for a birthday surprise, but I don’t know what I would have done if I had been registered (BRRRRRR)!!! Seeing Jessica was great but it was so loud in the restaurant that we didn’t get to talk much. She misses all of us and I know she left feeling like she didn’t get enough time with us.
This week had highs and lows reflective of our temperatures lately. Even summarizing this week is exhausting. I’m hoping this week is a little more low-key but I’m already looking at a pretty full calendar!!