Another year, same old fear
Well here I sit, the day before my first race of the season. Last year, this was early as I opted to skip New Braunfels this year because of my trip to Duabi. Every year, I spend days trying to psych myself up.  Every year I struggle with the motivation to do this all over again and every year I love it. This year I’m even more nervous knowing I’ll be racing against pro’s and semi-pro’s. I just need to keep reminding myself that it’s not about how I do, it’s about the team and we have some very strong women contending.
Also, I’m finally getting promoted to manager on Tuesday. You’d think that I’d be really nervous about this but I’m really more nervous that it means I cannot crash! There’s an email and a meeting and the whole thing lined up for Tuesday and I have to be there. This year has started out badly for crashes. It seems like I go through this every year and every year I question how my teammates and friends can be so excited about lining up for the opportunity to end up in an ambulance. I tell myself that crashes are really rare, and not usually bad. But then something happens like Mineral Wells where 4-women get air-lifted out.
So here’s to being brave and taking risks for something that I love that makes me happy. Here’s hoping I don’t regret this decision tomorrow.
Dubai Trip – Retrospect
Thinking back on it, it’s difficult for me to say what I expected of this trip. When I first conceived of it I was picturing a girl’s trip with Kim and Kate. I only needed my dad as a guide to help us figure things out. At some point, I decided we should bring our bikes (mostly so I didn’t lose an insane amount of fitness). The girls bailed one by one and I almost did too. So how did I end up here?
Well my dad got excited about the race. He was especially excited about the stage in Hatta (the furthest away from the city). At the same time, things got bad with my sister and my mom and I felt like I needed to find sanity in my life. I hoped my dad might give me that. These days, I find myself siding with him more than my mom on things; especially where my sister is involved.
But there were logistics to figure out. I still wanted to ride while I was there. Dubai has gone out of its way to build up cycling around the city and I was still concerned about losing fitness. Also, I thought it would be nice to ride with my dad.
I’ll start by saying the tour was awesome; so awesome that I will cover it in an entirely different post. As for the rest of it, I feel as though I am constantly reminded that things rarely, if ever, turn out as you expect. Let’s review things that went wrong and things that went right; as well as some things that just were.
Jet lag: I knew that adjusting 10-hours ahead would be tough but I did not expect to be sleeping in long naps for 6-days. I took this in stride because it’s not like I had to do anything. At any point I could have slept if I needed to. The thing is, I almost never needed to and still I couldn’t sleep through the night.
Race Access: As much as I told myself I was not going to be disappointed here, I completely lined myself up for disappointment. Early on, I just wanted to watch the race. At some point, Willis started talking about getting me VIP access with Castelli. This got me imagining a race expo sort of setup where I could get autographs and photos w/ racers. Well the VIP access didn’t pan out but I still had this image of hanging out w/ the riders in my head. This was only more exacerbated when Jana’s photographer friend Brian was going to get me access. Â Unfortunately, my data plan ran out at the worst time and we never met up. I did manage to get autographs from all the racers I wanted but I didn’t get any photos and I sort of felt cheated. The worst was when my dad was absolutely set on getting my photo taken with Taylor Phinney. To the point where he was moving me through a crowed of people, yelling at Taylor to get his photo with me, and yelling at me to “get in there”. All of this while they were trying to move him out to the doping control tent. It was incredibly embarrassing.
My Dad: After seeing him in August, I thought I could hang out with him. When I saw him in August had been 6-years since I’d seen him. I think it was a little much to think that we could just be friends. When it comes down to it, my dad’s world revolves around my dad and there’s no room for anybody else. Further, my dad got old. He, apparently, has some strain of herpes that he has no problem talking about in public. He rides his bike w/ his underwear on and while we were riding he had a ton of spit on the side of his mouth that he didn’t clean off.
Comments (1)Well it’s been an incredible 2014 so far and we’re only 8-days in. I did spend the first week of the new year sick. It’s remarkable to me how each day I’m sick feels like it stretches out into an eternity. I think mostly because I’m home when I’m sick and not constantly interrupted by other people.
At any rate, we started out the new year with a new car. I have to admit that I’ve suffered some DINK guilt over this purchase. I’m one of the few people in the history of the world who every thought to themselves that they loved a Nissan more than their 36K BMW. Here’s the thing, the truck was so great for my lifestyle. Does that mean there weren’t problems? Hell no. It got 17mpg and couldn’t corner faster than 35mph in the rain. I just never realized how much space it offered. Trying to move my life from a Frontier to the X1 felt like downsizing from a 3bd/2bt to a 2bd/1bt. The bike fits, but then there’s very little room for groceries… and forget it if I have to pick up dog food too!! It’s a compromise and the only thing getting through the transition is knowing that the truck is still in the driveway for when I need it!
In other news I’m going to Dubai and I’m bringing my bike! I’m so totally stoked about this now. It’s been an emotional roller coaster with it being a girls trip, then my friends bailing, them my dad getting really excited. So now this is it. For better or worse. At least I’m using my CC points for most of the trip. We’ll see about the bike fee situation. I’m still working on that.
And finally the promotion a  year in the making. No, it hasn’t happened yet but it’s been mentioned at length by my boss and his boss so I’m confident it’s imminent. Plus, I’m comfortable with the roll I play. I’m good at my job and I’m ready to move to the next step. Part of that is due to some very good hiring but I still find myself more able to let go of the details and trust others than I thought I would be.
Welcome 2014!!
Well after everything, I did end up getting sick. I swear I always end up sick whenever I’m off from work. The result was that I spent 2-full days in bed and did not accomplish even half of the things on my list. I did clean out the garage but did not finish the attic. I didn’t get any crafting done and I missed 4-days of riding. Blegh. On the good side, I had a great team ride today. I’m sore and my lungs were on fire but I felt great otherwise.  I’m really looking forward to racing this year (though it’s hard to be motivated when you can’t breath without coughing).
On the 31st Brian and I bought a car too. We’d been talking about it for a while. In fact, we had spent quite a bit of time at the BMW dealer back in August. I love my truck and Brian got busy so we just never moved forward. Also, I think both of us had a hard time with the amount of the car. Surprisingly, I don’t really care for BMW. I think you can get better options in other cars for much cheaper. In this case, there just aren’t any other cars that meat my needs. Overall, I’m happy but I’m not as excited as one would expect after getting a new BMW. Maybe I’ll feel differently after we actually bring it home from the dealer.
In another display of unexpected purchasing, I bought a ticket to Dubai. I kept hemming and hawing waiting for Kim or Kate to commit and while I was waiting the ticket prices started to go up and I panicked. So I now have a non-refundable ticket to Dubai in Feb. Now that I have my ticket, Kim’s interested again. We’ll See what actually happens.Â
So bring it 2014!! I’m ready!
Stepedectomy – 1 month(ish)
I’m so bad about updating these things. If you’ve stumbled on this blog because you’re dying to know how this worked out for me you’re probably super frustrated by my complete lack of updates. So, my hearing remained strange until my follow-up appointment 8-days later. I just felt like I was hearing through water or something. Everything was loud but muffled and high frequency sounds were tinny. My hearing results at 8-days showed a huge improvement in my hearing at low frequencies but a sharp drop as the frequency went up. Turns out, this normal if the swelling in the ear doesn’t go down quickly. I got a huge steroid shot and got sent on my way. Within hours I was hearing almost normally.
Things have continued to improve from there. After 2-weeks post op I was able to shower normally. At this point, the blood that was built up in my ear started to come out (like scabs, not liquid). Each time another scab came out I could hear a little better. Now my only complaint is that I fell deaf in my other ear.
I wish I’d done this years ago. The surgery was not as minor as I would have liked but considering the benefit, it’s more than worth it. Just have some patience.
Stepedectomy – Day 1
Yesterday was the day of my stapedectomy. So I sit here now with almost no hearing in my right ear at all. I’m not too worried yet but it’s difficult to act like things are normal. I hate post-op. no matter how much the surgeon tries to prep you for what it will be like afterwards it always feels different.
Good Luck Turkey Trot
Last night I went to dinner with Kim, Kate, and Kate’s parents. That’s not how the night was supposed to go, but we’re overachieving women so why do one thing in a night when you can do ten. The night was supposed to be a happy hour to discuss the possible Dubai trip. Then we decided to through in a workout first because, why not. I mean, we’ll through a workout into any get together. Pre-bookclub, pre-wedding, post graduation, post-labor, whatever. It’s really almost like drinks for most people. “Let’s do dinner, ohh dinks first. Why of courseâ€. Where for us it’s more like “Dinner, yes sure. But how about some threshold efforts first?â€
Then Kate’s parents, in town for Thanksgiving of course, wanted to do dinner downtown AND it’s Kim’s birthday. Do you see how efficient we are with our time? We’re knocking out like 5-events in 4-hours! This is why women will rule the world. So, now the plan is Kim’s at 5:30, Ride class at 6:00, back to Kim’s by 7:00 to shower and get to dinner by 7:45. Luckily, Kim has an amazing place at the W so we’re literally 1-block from Ride and 8-blocks from dinner. Again, we are master planners.
We get to dinner and order a bottle of wine. Kate waives off the wine with a joke about running the next day. Well our waitress wanted to hear all about Kate’s big Turkey day run. “Ohh my! Five whole miles!!†Our waitress was all about making sure Kate had the best run possible at the Turkey Trot. It’s awkward but we realize not everybody is as athletic as we are so we figure this is just us being completely disconnected.
After dinner, Kate ordered a dessert for the table. When it arrived, the waitress placed the plate right in front of Kate and loudly wished her the best of luck on her race and leaves. Kate, bright red in the face, is all “I think there’s been a huge misunderstanding here!†The dessert plate had “Good Luck†written in chocolate around the rim. After we all stopped laughing, Kim’s all “Yeah, You better fucking win this thing!â€
Dubai in 3-drinks or more
Well here we go with my update of the week.  I shouldn’t make fun since once a week is better than I’ve been able to maintain in over two years. I always have aspirations of updating this as quickly as life actually happens. I think that if I did it often enough it wouldn’t feel so daunting to catch up with everything I missed in one post.  Ultimately, I’ve given this site to nobody so if you are reading this you’re probably not very good at using search engines. Sorry about that.
So the big news is that I somehow talked my way into a trip to see the Tour of Dubai with a girl I hardly know. F1 Friday was the end of a horrific week and I wanted to feel a little crazy. The plan was to have drinks with a few friends but the ones I knew well bailed and I was left with Kim. I don’t know Kim well but I really like her so it was fun to hang out. Really long story short, 3-drinks (and many “we should totally do that!â€â€™s) later we decided we were going to Dubai to see the brand new tour of Dubai. It’s one of those things where you wake up in the morning and think “there’s no way she was serious.†Two days later, I got a text asking for details. It really looks like we may be doing this and it’s a little crazy.
Now, it’s not that I don’t want to go. I’ve been thinking about this trip for a long time. I also know my life needs a little crazy in it but I tend to do much better when my crazy is spontaneous and not planned 3-months in advance.  Also, I’m not the best with people and I’m more than a little nervous that Kim and I might grate on each other mid-trip.
We’ll see where this leads, if anywhere. For all I know this will be the only time this is ever mentioned in this whole blog (though I doubt it)
Paella!!
This week has been a total whirlwind so I’m just now sitting down to make up for a ton of missed blog posts from the week. Ideally these would all be posted while they are still relevant but I can’t blog while life is happening.
Last weekend was my “Rex Manning Dayâ€; the paella festival!! The past couple of years I have organized a ride to ride out to the festival. With all the team drama this year, I opted not to do the ride. I was pretty torn about that decision at the time but I realized I had a much better time when I didn’t feel like I needed to “entertain†the people I convinced to attend. Amber and Audra came on their own but we still sat together. I made it clear to everybody my first priority was trying as many of the 24-paellas as possible. These ladies did a great job helping me get really close to trying all of them. After everything, I had a great time not having to entertain a bunch of people who could have cared less about paella.
The next day was equally busy with Bonnie’s baby shower in the afternoon and Ender’s game with Brian in the morning. On top of that, I woke up slightly hung-over, very dehydrated, and feeling like death. Ender’s game was better than I expected though it was tough to not think of all the things that I loved in the book that didn’t make it to the movie. My only real gripe was that Petra’s character was not as strong as in the book. She was sort of motherly and caring towards Ender in the movie, but in the book she’s just one of the guys. They also left out the part in the final battle where she breaks. I suppose I should read something into the fact that the woman was the one to break. The point was that Ender depended on her too much. It was sort of an analogy to Graff and Ender.
Baby Astrid
I really thought that the birth of this baby would completely relive me of my stress (assuming everything went well). I completely forgot about the anger. As I assumed, my sister gave birth at home again; against all medical advice. Thank the Lord, Jesus, Mohammed, Allah, Buddha, Shiva, whatever that the baby is ok. My sister sees this as a huge confirmation that the first birth wasn’t her fault. I find that as illogical as a drunk driver killing their best friend then driving drunk over and over again to prove it was a fluke. I never asked her outright so I wouldn’t put her in the awkward situation of having to lie to me; and me in the awkward situation of having to act like I believe her. My mom did ask and was thoroughly lied to. The damage there may be worse.
I’m so angry at her I can taste it in my throat.It consumes me right now. Our relationship has been altered in a way that may not be repairable. I couldn’t tell you why it bothers me so much. It’s her life and I have no control over it and no responsibility towards it. Except that I do… I mean in my mind, this mindset is everything that is wrong with our country and our society. We rely too much on lawyers and politicians to tell us what’s right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, instead of what’s illegal. Her behavior should be unacceptable to her community and we owe those children to say something. It IS our responsibility.
I feel like a coward for not speaking up for them. It’s so easy to preach our responsibilities from the sideline but it’s so much harder to step up and lead by example. Bless you Astrid, you may be a small miracle.
Baby Astrid