Archive for the ‘Cycling’ Tag
The Words to Say
There are so many things I would love to write about here but I only seem to find the introspection when I’m not at my computer. By the time I sit down to type, I’m surrounded by distraction and my posts never quite come together. You can imagine my surprise then when my email to Brant turned into a blog post. The purpose of the email was to explain that I had swapped my workout with tomorrows because I wasn’t going to ride my bike today and wanted to do the intervals tomorrow. Instead, I ended up writing the following, which I edited before sending.
Hey, I signed up for pedal hard tomorrow. I’m swapping today’s workout with tomorrow’s because I’m not doing a workout today. I feel fine but I need a break mentally that sitting on a trainer won’t give me. The thought of watching the seconds tick by on my computer while waiting for my ass to go numb is nauseating to me right now. I would love to ride outside but my day passed me by in less than a minute and now it’s cloudy, cold, and miserable. I know that riding in this weather will transform my ride from the distraction I need to just another checkbox. My bike is usually where I go decompress but today just isn’t going to work and I’m not willing to force it.
Just like that, I had more words than I’ve had in months. I hit a wall today. I’ve had a severe pain in my chest for over a week now. I thought I strained something coughing but I swear, if anything it’s gotten worse since my cough went away. I’m pretty sure that Callie has the pee-problem that MacKenzie did. Some days she just pee’s. She’ll do it multiple times a night, wherever she’s sitting, like she has no control over it at all. And this weekend everything went from bad to worse. The latest wafer didn’t yield so I can’t deliver parts to the team, and the qual failure I swore wasn’t a bid deal turned out to be a real failure. On top of all my problems, Jim confirmed that the first failure was actually a big, huge, showstopper. The worst thing though, the thing that completely drained me of my will to do the one thing I love, is that in spite of all of this information my boss said we were still going to launch. These are the days I become Dilbert and face my very own pointer-haired-manager.
The one upside to my day was the email I got from JP an hour ago that powers that be had pulled their heads out of their asses and canceled the launch. Hallelujah and Amen. I have seen the light!
A Week in Review
Wow! I knew it had been a while since I posted but it feels dead here. I’ve gotten a ton of spam comments in the past week but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a real one. Anybody read this? Life has been work lately, and I don’t like just posting about work here so it’s lead to some blogging down-time. I’m not out of the woods yet with this project but it was an interesting week and I don’t like how lonely this place feels right now.
The Preparation (Last Saturday and Sunday)
I worked some crazy hours the last couple of weeks leading up to first silicon. What is “first silicon” you ask? It’s finals week on crack; with an audience in a small room watching you, and only you take your exams. It’s a big stinking deal. So I worked over 8-hours last weekend. I did get to ride a little but I’ve been limiting myself to 35-mils on Sunday (more on how 35-miles became a limitation later). The week before last I had gotten word that the final part would not be back until late September instead of the original late August date. That was a huge deal that allowed me to keep my weekends to only 8-hours. The look-ahead part was due into the design center on Monday putting it in my hands on Tuesday. I worked tirelessly to get the interface up and running but found myself tripped up by a board design issue and a complete lack of understanding for how long if-statements take to execute. I laid my head down for bed on Sunday night with nothing working and a sense that it was going to be a very difficult week.
The Final Push (Monday)
I worked 14-hours on Monday. At some point I tried to use the mothers-room to rest but couldn’t get over the stress of needing to work. I knew the part was coming and I was still way behind. I had put aside any dreams I had of being able to ride my bike. On top of the anticipation over first silicon arriving, the intern was starting his last week and we were having to deal with his exit; closing out the project, filling out HR paperwork, and helping him with the presentation. It was a very rough day and I was really beat up when I got home.
The Arrival (Tuesday)
I got to work really early hoping to get something done before Barbra came with my box. I knew that I had until about 10:00AM to get something done. I was still having issues getting a consistent pulse-width. Looking back, I can’t believe how stubborn I was. It should have occurred to me early on that slowing down the interface would give me the differentiation I was looking for. The parts arrived very close to 10:00 and I immediately delivered them to the other folks in the team. I tried getting some tips from the girl who writes the apps software but it turns out the designer wrote the firmware. I didn’t want to have to admit to the design team that I was having trouble. I never even put a part in the socket during this time. I didn’t see I reason. I could see from my scope shots that it wouldn’t work. I ended up working another 14-hours.
Desperation (Wednesday)
Wednesday Morning I had a 1:1 with the boss. It was pretty standard except that he asked me if I had powered up the part. I answered yes because I had used the sister part and powered it up so I knew the board wouldn’t smoke (well, more on this and other good engineering practices later) but I hate being dishonest so I decided it was time to start working with the part in the socket. We had a bunch of intern stuff to do on Wednesday so I wasn’t able to get nearly as much done as I’d hoped and by 3:00 I really needed to go home. After two 14-hour days I was making mistakes and I could tell that I wasn’t working effectively. In fact, one major mistake that I stumbled on was the fact that I never actually powered on the part. Yup, you got it. I never actually scoped it to make sure. Type the command and it works, right? The boss had made it very clear that he expected communication to be up by the project review the next morning so I was taking a gamble by leaving early. I had a theory by the person I needed to answer my question was in Singapore so I figured I had to wait anyway. When I got home, I set myself up on the trainer and was actually able to get in a 60-minute spin.
An Unexpected End (Thursday)
I took another gamble and went to DP in morning for our weights session. I ended quickly, stretched on my own and headed out. I was at my desk by 7:15 with the answer I was waiting for sitting in my inbox. I modified the command appropriately and commenced communication. With in 45-minutes I had the handshake working. A few typos and a decent register selection after that and I had communication. The boss and I were emailing status back and forth and he wanted me to bring the good news to the project review. In the end it really wasn’t perceived as that big a deal, and it really wasn’t. Still, it was huge for my boss and I and I felt comfortable letting myself off early for the day. After a meeting, I ended up getting out around 4:30. I stopped off at the Austin Wine Merchant to get myself some bubbly to celebrate my accomplishment. Around 6:00 I rolled into my subdivision and immediately noticed smoke. I thought for a moment that it really could be a bad attempt and a bar-b-q until I rolled down my windows and smelled burning cedars.
I pulled my driveway passed the fire. It didn’t seem big but I knew that looks could be deceiving with brush fires. I parked new the edge of my driveway and called 911. They already had a unit on the way. As I was calling Brain the cedars behind my neighbors house started to go up in flames that shot 50-feet in the air. Brian instructed me to get everything I could out of the house and in the truck in case we had to leave. He was headed out the door to get home and I got to work. The first thing I did was get the front sprinklers going. If embers did come across I didn’t want them hitting dry grass. 15-minutes after that, the car contained all our photos, albums, the safe, my bike, the camera, laptop, and the remote drive. I was drenched in sweat and the fire department had arrived. I had been checking the progress of the fire as I packed, knowing that if it did jump, I would need to go. All our neighbors also had their cars packed and were ready to go. In the end the fire department was able to get it under control and we were not evacuated. Still, it was a very scary night.
It was the wee hours of the morning before the fire department packed it up and went home. I didn’t sleep well and woke up exhausted. I had a goal to ride outside which I knew was going to be a challenge given how tired I was. I did set out but it was sans heart rate monitor, which was really upsetting to me. If you do a ride but your garmin doesn’t record it, did it happen? I got back later than I’d hoped and just couldn’t get myself going. I felt like I brain-bonked (if there is such a thing). I attended out intern presentation at 2:30 then we had happy hour at 4:30. All of a sudden I’m feeling very behind.
Recovery (Saturday)
I couldn’t drag my ass out of bed on Saturday. I rolled out for good around 9:00 and felt like shit. I took Fozzy on a short jog then road my bike around the neighborhood for just over an hour. After lunch I started to feel dizzy, washed out, and exhausted again. I rested and basically pissed the rest of the day away. I went to bed extremely early hoping I would feel ok on the ride the next day.
That Damn Ride (Sunday)
There really is something wrong with me. I can’t believe that I ever thought I would be able to do 70-miles after determining I had no fitness and hardly riding my bike all week. I feel like the other girls make it look so easy. I was actually feeling pretty good most of the ride. The speed really picked up coming up to the store but I thought that would not be the “normal” pace. When we rolled back out of the store I was feeling good. The pace was nice and I was really enjoying myself. I remember going up one of the hills leading up to the damn and thinking we were really pushing it hard up the hill. We evened out again and I started focusing on recovery. It didn’t happen. Though the pace steadied, the damn hill was just in front of us and the pace was not letting up. I just couldn’t breath. My legs burned maybe a little but mostly I just couldn’t breath. My heart was pounding and the sun was beating down on me and I just didn’t care. I didn’t want to be with the group any more.
I pulled out of the pack and found a girl way back that was more than willing to cut it back to 55-miles with me. When we got to the store, Alexis was there with some of the other slower folks. The girl I came in with went into the store to get water. While she was in there, Alexis talked us all into doing the lime creek extension slower. Without thinking, I rolled out with them. My mind kept telling something was wrong. Lucky I listened because we had left the girl at the store! I turned around and sprinted up the hill to the store just in time to see her go through the intersection before the light turned red again. I screened and screamed but she didn’t hear me. The light felt like it took 5-minutes, though my Garmin tells me only 1:20. I got on 60 and time-trialed as hard as I could to get to her. It took my 5-minutes of everything I had all out to finally catch her. then it took me 15 more minutes to figure out where we were going because I didn’t know the route.
By the time I got back I was completely beat up. Catching her had taken alot out of me and I couldn’t seem to recover at all over the rest of the ride. I felt weak and questioned what I was doing this for the entire way back. I just don’t know how to fix this and I concerned that if I don’t figure something out soon, I’ll end up hanging up the bike.
Pool Party at Diana’s
Updates are going to be very sporadic for a while. Poor Bennett has a really bad hot spot that we’re having to nurse. On Saturday we shaved his whole body down to 5/8″ so the small spot we had shave off completely wouldn’t look so strange. He looks silly with his hair short but I have to say, I’m tempted to keep it up just to minimize vacuuming. We have a vet appointment for Friday, but I’m hoping we don’t have to use it.
Saturday I tried to relax and get some work done because I knew I had plans almost the entire day on Sunday. I totally failed at sleeping in and woke up, ready to go, at 7:00AM. To be honest I don’t really know where Saturday went. It was over before it even began and I had hardly anything to show for it. I think I lost a few hours to the tour.
Sunday was so much fun. I had a ride starting at 7:30 so it was another early morning. I had wanted to go with the slow group this week but the slow group left at 7:00. I figured I’d find a few others who were not up for beating themselves up and convince them to ride with me. Well that didn’t really happen until almost 15-miles into our 55-mile ride and the only person I got to stay with me was Suzi. We had only been off the back for a few miles when we came on the group stopped at a Texaco. We were in west Austin so everything is nicer. Still, I was not expecting ceramic tile in the restroom! Erin and Jessica both had flat tires and the rest of the group was itching to go so Suzi and I volunteered to stay back. Except for the 30-minutes the 3-tire changes took, the ride was a ton of fun. Our little group stayed at just the right pace. My HR was still very high because it was basically uphill for 15-miles after the gas station. We weren’t expecting the other group to wait for us at the next stop so we were very surprised to see them when we came rolling by. I actually kind of wish we’d missed them because Tracy kept pushing the pace.
Nicest gas station restroom in Austin. This really beats the usual unisex, one room, broken sink restrooms. There was even a Texas star tile mosaic.
After the ride I had the AFWC pool party at Diana’s house. I had hoped to get back by 10:30 so that I could get some work done at the office before heading over. We didn’t get back until almost noon. I had time to shower, answer a few emails, eat a snack and hit the road. I was a little frustrated but in the end it was nothing but a fun day. Kate had ordered a ton of food for the party and stocked us with drinks. Dianna had the Margarita machine out and we had the tour playing on one of her TVs. Her house is the perfect house for a big party like this and it was really nice of her to let us use it. About 45 members showed up which was huge!
Passing up pool time to whatch the drama unfold during stage 9 of the 2011 Tour de France.
It turns out the tour that morning had been full of extreme drama. Instead of lounging by the pool, a whole group of us huddled around the TV and waited. We had been tipped off, of course, that there was drama but we just had to see it. I did get to spend a little time in the pool after watching the two big crashes.
It does kind of freak me out that pro cycling has been pushed so far. It’s been a tough year with two pro women being hit and killed by cars, a pro male dying in the Tour de Italia, and many of the top contenders crashing out of the TdF; some with injuries that may threaten their careers. I had a hard time sleeping that night.Vinokourov with a broken femur, and Hoogerland with 33-stitches after a car crashed into he and Flecha. I know it must be tough for all of them to take so soon after Wouter passed away.
First Race of a Second Life, Done!
Well I can now call myself a racer again. I was nervous all day, though I don’t really know what for. I know that I’m very competitive and I think I was worried that I might fall lower on the list of finishers than I had expected. As fate would have it, my white whale showed up tonight. I really shouldn’t have anything against this girl except that she was probably the most competitive non-AFWC out there, she wears a vanderkitten kit that matches her bike, and she sat-on and out sprinted me at ToA last year. Ok, I have beef. So when I saw her, I knew I would be disappointed if I didn’t beat her.
I lined up next to the regular AFWC girls. When we saw how few non-AFWC women there were we decided to just constantly attack to make the race interesting. It got off to a very odd start when a few of the 10-14y boys decided to start in front of us. We finally got passed them and really started moving. Kim was the first to attack and I got on the train. It was hard but not killer. Then one of the juniors attacked and Kim came towards the back with me. This is when things started to get odd. One of the kids up front was treating this like a 100m dash and when he blew, he blew! He was totally in our way going around one of the turns and I just wasn’t willing to risk it. A gap had already formed and this kid just made it worse. I tried to use Kim and Meredith to bridge but when they caught one of the juniors attacked and I couldn’t hold it.
I settled into my race at a pace that was sustainable for the next 25 min. That’s right, I got dropped 5-min into the race. My only goal at this point was not letting VK catch me. Well she did and I could tell she was just sitting on m wheel. At one point I purposely slowed and she came around. At that point the game was on. I knew from ToA that her game was to sit in and then sprint. I knew she wasn’t strong on hills but that she would also be saving her energy for the sprint. I attacked her up the hill a few times but not consistently enough that she would be able to predict what I was going to do. I kept testing her to see where she would break.  I knew it would have to be a hard attack on the hill and that would hurt me too. I wasn’t sure if I should do it on the last lap or the second to last lap. I was worried that if I did it on the last lap I would be too tired to sprint. I thought if I did it on the second to last lap it might tire her out. In the end, I opted for the last lap. She seemed to be recovering just fine over the course of the lap.
We rolled up to the finish line with one to go and I knew we both knew the game. She knew I was going to attack up the hill and I knew she was going to sprint hard. I had let her come up the hill in front of me on that lap because I wanted to gauge how badly the hill was hurting her so she was still in front of me coming up to the finish line. We were about 10-ft away when the leaders passed us and crossed the finish line just in front of us. Our race was done and without even knowing it she had beat me. It was tough to take but I was very proud of my effort. I already can’t wait until next time.
New Shoes and New Dog Beds
I knew I was crashing yesterday. I was putting my new cycling shoes together, inserts and cleats and such, while watching office reruns and all of a sudden, I just needed to sleep so badly. I pushed off the need to sleep because I had too much to do, which was probably a really bad idea. I did go to bed on time but still overslept in the morning and I never oversleep. I’ve been training 8-hours a week for 6 weeks straight and, even at lower intensity, that might be pushing it. I’ve also been extremely busy and have not been great about getting 8-hours of sleep every night. Pile on top of that the crap I’ve been putting into my body and it’s a recipe for disaster. My TP goals this week should be to eat better, sleep more, and get a message. The message isn’t going to happen but 2 out of 3 isn’t bad.
Last week I bought the dogs beds. Brian thought it was stupid but now they won’t leave them. Bennett will disappear at night and we’ll find him in bed. Fozzy will eat his breakfast and go out then get right back into bed. He doesn’t even say good-bye to Brian anymore. It’s really freaking adorable. My only complaint is that Fozzy didn’t pick the bed closest to me. I also wonder if they’ll still love them in the summer.
The Accident
It’s been 1 week, 23 hours, and 30 minutes since the accident. It’s difficult to comprehend everything that has happened in that time. I should have been keeping a journal the whole time but I was not exactly mobile. Here goes my attempted at capturing the events.
The Accident
It all starts with the bumper of a white pickup truck. A white pickup truck is going to hit me. I was traveling straight and he was coming opposite me making a left turn across my lane of travel. I remember him stopping instead of turning and thinking that was odd. I waited, and waited as I approached the intersection, finally deciding that he was letting me go. He never saw me. I remember thinking I needed to stay up right or things were not going to go well. Then I was on the ground, rolling; and everything hurt. My back was excruciatingly painful as I waited for the EMT. A few times, I thought I might pass out it was so painful. When the ambulance arrived, they rolled me onto my back and that helped the pain some. I knew that I could move all of my extremities so I was not worried about my back being broken; I thought it was just my muscles. I didn’t know you could break your back without being paralyzed.
The Hospital
I was admitted to the ER where they evaluated me and took my neck brace off. At this point I was worried about contacting Brian and I was trying to work out what impact this would have on my life. My knee had started to hurt very badly and I knew something was wrong. Early on, I was silly enough to think I might have a bad case of bursitis. Brian called me from the airport and the ER personnel let me use my phone to talk to him. It was nice knowing he was on his way and I wouldn’t be alone. After a bunch of X-rays and a CT-scan, I was met by a neurosurgeon. This was probably the most scared I ever was. He explained that I had broken my back. I had a compression fracture of the L2. I wasn’t able to breathe until he said that surgery was not required. He explained the brace that I would need and that I would have to wear it for 3 months. At this point I’m thinking that I can wear the brace to work and probably even do trainer rides with it. I really had no idea. They admitted me into the trauma ward, where I would stay until my brace arrived.
Saturday (day 1)
Until the brace arrived, I was limited to complete bed rest. I ate in bed, I peed in bed, I did everything in bed. As horrible as it was, I kept thinking “at least I’m out of here when the brace arrives”. Overnight, my leg continued to swell and hurt. It wasn’t until the afternoon that I was able to get somebody to look at it. When the news came back, it wasn’t good. Not only did I have a broken back, but a broken leg too. I was scheduled for surgery on Monday, which meant I was not getting out of the hospital until Wed, maybe Thursday. This is when I officially lost it.
Sunday (day 2)
Brian’s mom got on a plane and we both breathed a small sigh of relief. Things calmed down and I started to take stock of the situation. Most of Sunday was spent on the phone and resting. Brian got his mom settled into the house late in the afternoon. With her watching the dogs, he was able to spend the night since my surgery was first thing in the morning. It was nice having him with me. Nighttime was the worst. Sleeping was so difficult since I could not move myself.
Monday -Wednesday
I was out of surgery by 9:30 and spend most of the morning in a drug-induced coma. My friends started showing up around 3:00 to see how I was doing and help when needed. Brian really needed some relief from being by my side so this gift from my friends was priceless. I finally was fitted for my back brace in the afternoon but had to wait for the neurosurgeon to approve the X-rays before I would be given the ok to get out of bed. The approval came Tuesday and I was so happy when the PT came to show me how to use my walker. It was harder than I thought I was concerned with how quickly I tired. I stopped the pain meds on Tuesday with hopes that I would spend Tuesday night at home. I had a ton of friends with me all day to help the time pass. Unfortunately, I was not to go home until Wednesday. I checked out at 10:00 and could not have been happier. I knew things would be very difficult but was up for the challenge (I hoped)
I have since realized how difficult this will really be. I cannot get out of bed by myself, which means I have to wake Brian up every time I have to use the restroom, or need a blanket, or whatever. The daytime is better and I’m much more independent. I still can’t cook anything or carry anything. I can’t lift anything heavy or bend forward. I’m learning new ways to do simple, everyday things. Right now, having a normal life seems very far away and my bike feels even farther. I miss moving and doing. My brain works far too fast to be held up like this.
Tour of Austin
This weekend was the Tour of Austin Bike race. Hopefully, what I will remember most about this race is coming in 2nd on Sunday and not the complete emotional breakdown it almost caused me trying to balance my home life, work, racing, and volunteering 3 slots at the event!!
Friday was the prolog time trial and, as much as I wanted to take this seriously, I just couldn’t. I don’t have TT equipment, and I don’t TT well. I didn’t really give it my all because I wanted to be fresh for the crits. I got 6th out of 9 ladies.
Saturday we were at the driveway again. I was hoping to place better in this race, but I made the mistake of eating a large sandwich too close to the race. I knew when I lined up that I was likely going to be fighting the urge to vomit the whole race. I was with the main group for a few laps when I started to feel bad. We came up on our second prime and I made the mistake of not sprinting with them, thinking they would slow down like they usually do. Not this time. I chased for 2 laps before figuring it was better to cut my losses and fall back to the group that was coming up on me. They rode the race like a typical cat-4 race. A few women doing the work, a couple hard efforts followed by a period of slowing down and letting everybody catch back on. I attacked as much as I could and worked at the front to keep the pace high hoping to drop some of the women who were saving themselves for the sprint, or at least tire them out. It came down to a pack sprint anyway. My second big mistake of the night was underestimating the tail wind and not starting my sprint with everybody else. I passed most of the field in my sprint but couldn’t quite pass the one girl I really wanted to pass. I didn’t even make mid-pack with 9th place finish out of 14 women who lined up. came in 3rd in the sprint for my group, but there were 5 cat-4s in the lead group.
Sunday I stayed in bed and rested all morning. I picked up bagels and lox at CM before heading to my shift at registration. I took it easy and ate early. Before my race, I ate a few clif blocks as well. I also made sure to stay hydrated. I wasn’t expecting a great race after the day before, which probably made me more relaxed about it. When we took off, I quickly got on Kim’s wheel and tried to stay on either her, Kelley, or Betty’s wheel. My goal was to just last. Kelley started to give up early and I had to go around her a few times. After a few laps, I realized that Nadia, Gracie, and I were the only 4’s. I knew based on yesterday that the other 4s would not work together to catch us. After a few more laps, there was an attack and I went around Gracie to chase it. I caught on and Gracie didn’t. Then it was just Nadia and I. Nadia did more work than I did, as it just wasn’t in my best interest. We passed the other 4’s with about 5 laps to go. In retrospect, this should have been a signal for me to start attacking, pulling, and protecting Kim more. My position was pretty sealed. I played it safe and let Kim fight her own battle. In the end, I didn’t expect the sprint to start so early and got popped off the back of the sprint. I came in about 5 seconds behind the leaders for 2nd. A great showing for me but I wish I had given more now.
When Monday rolled around, I was itching to race again. I had promised Brian I would tend to my housework though and I also had a ton of work to get done before the Portland trip. That combined with the iffy weather kept me from lining up. I hope I can store this enthusiasm for the next time though!!