Archive for the ‘poetic’ Tag
Yesterday I had a near panic attack. Hell, it could have been an actual panic attack for all I know. I tend to live on the edge of crazy. The end result was a gasping, panicked call to my husband in CA and 4 hours of restless sleep. 24-hours removed I can see how incredibly silly it was but at the time my world neared its end.
I left work early today since I was completely exhausted and needed to recenter myself. On my way out I ran into John at RGB. Cyclist, Yogi, and business owner he is my picture of balance. Oddly, our conversation quickly strayed to offseason weight gains. This is just another example of how completely skewed our perceptions can be. Our race weights are insane and border on unhealthy. Yes, I have a slight roll over my jeans when I sit. Sometimes it’s all I can feel. In my mind, that extra 5lbs is actually 15. While we both laughed off that we were bat-shit crazy and had self image issues you could also tell we were still going to be self conscious about it.
As much as I say I crave balance I run from it when given the choice. Balance feels like a cop-out to me; a way of not putting your all into something. I don’t know how to live like that.